milady_vilya: (KB powerful)
[personal profile] milady_vilya
Hello LJ

The summer has been going fast and soon my time here in England will be over (for a time). I am in two minds about returning home, it will be nice to see the people and places I haven't seen in the last year, mostly my cats and my Con friends, but not having a job lined up straight away is causing me concern as is my mom's determination that everything will be going back to the way it was when I left. I feel my independence slipping away each time I look at the approaching date. I have tried to remind her gently that yes I will be coming back home for a bit but the possibility of me leaving to  find work and even just my own space is real ( I hope it is anyway, I know it will be tempting to fall back into the security of routine something that I have forced out of myself in this last year.)  I know she is finding that hard to accept and is is trying not cling on but she is anyway.  Every night I've been here, unless I've been in London or elsewhere she has called me, sometimes it's nice and she has things to tell me but  because it is so often we talk there is never anything to really talk about. I had hoped this year of being apart would give her a chance to get into new routines and organize a life not revolving around us doing everything together, but I think it's just revolved around her doing more shopping.

I already feel split in two, my life there and my life here in England. I've made some good friends, forced myself to explore and do things and  enjoy life rather then watching it go by hoping someone might include me, I've learned to make myself included. I have  learned to "Let it Go", and I can even let go of England, but "home" will never just be one place anymore.

I'll be returning on September 4th just a week after turning in my final project. My project is going well, I've built a mock up of my set and will start on building the real model when I return from London this week. I love London, I feel at home there, it is a place that makes me happy and I will miss it very much. I suspect this trip will be my last during this stay .

Other life thins I should mention, I have gotten work experience,  and so I now feel much better prepared for going out into the working world. I also got to meet my hero John Finnemore. He is a lovely man and it was nice to meet him even if my ability to speak was hampered because I couldn't believe I got to shake his hand.  There has been so much I have gotten to do on this trip, from West End plays to Directing my first film, to getting to look at original scripts in the BFI archives (That happens this week actually :)) No matter what happens after this trip I will live my life happy that I got to do so many of the things I have been dreaming about doing all my life.

Date: 2014-07-29 11:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penwiper337.livejournal.com
I am so glad you had such a life-changing experience in England, and I hope you get to hold on to that once you get back here. I feel you on the parental attachment issue - working through some of that myself, right now. I hope some good opportunities open up for you when you get back home.

I've missed you!

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milady_vilya

July 2015

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