Oct. 3rd, 2014 10:32 pm
milady_vilya: (Foly)
[personal profile] milady_vilya
 Do you ever feel like you sell out to being practical?  The teacher I worked with before I left for England texted me and let me know the county was going to allow her to get another parapro (which is what I was) and would I like the job. I said yes and have been feeling like a bit of a sell-out ever since. I went to the interview today, which was a formality and basically starting this Monday I'll be back at the school. On one hand it is income and insurance and I feel better about being a productive member of society and not just freeloading off my mom, but the other hand says I'm taking the easy road and a slippery slope back into routine and not the direction I wanted to go in. I'm worried that it will compromise my ability to get a job I want, of course the job market for film is an up and down one at best. I do not think my soul could bear taking a retail job again, especially not near the holiday season, I'm not missing important moments with my family, we have so few of them as it is in life. I don't really expect you to have answers for me I just want to say what I'm feeling, maybe it'll help in some way to keep me to my goals, I've changed a lot in this last year. I’ve  grown stronger I hope and more determined but I know my weaknesses, I'm like a cat when it comes to routine I don't always adapt well to change once I get settled. :)

Help me not to settle remind me of what I want to do, even though it’s scary and even though I often think I’m not good enough.  Push me please, I don’t want to give up on what I want, but I know I’ll need reminders. I am continuing to send out my CV and try for internships, but I worry that I'll stop, or silliest of all I'm worried I'll succeed.

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July 2015


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